The Lost Ones
by gacrux11
Summary: Somewhere distant from it all, Roxas and Naminé have a conversation.


a/n: Welp. In honour of KH3 being announced, I wrote something. I've always wanted to write Roxas and Namine just having a conversation about how much being a Nobody sucks. So, here it is.

* * *

The room was as white and empty as it always had been. The drawings had been taken down off the wall and were now scattered all across the table in a way that left not a single space of white between. Roxas recognized some of the locations: there was a sunset from atop the clock tower, a hazy image of the secret place that she must have gotten from Olette, a crisp and detailed image of a Heartless and Nobody holding hands, a feverishly drawn sketch of Sora hugging Riku and Kairi, and another of Riku on his own with a tender smile, a peaceful beach that was as locked in Roxas' memories as the taste of sea-salt ice cream was, and finally, an embarrassingly meticulous image of Axel jokingly hanging Roxas over the edge of the clock tower while Xion laughed mercilessly in the background. Roxas' face was a picture of terror, even though he knew Axel would never let him go.

"So, will you tell me what's wrong today? Or," Naminé paused, adjusting a crinkled edge on one of her more precariously situated sketches, "will we talk around the elephant in the room again and then say goodbye feeling just as unhappy as every time before?"

Roxas stared blankly for a moment. Naminé wasn't usually so forward about getting down to business, but he supposed he'd been pushing her. She knew exactly what he wanted to talk about, but she wanted him to bring it up himself. He was trying, really, but he also knew it had been too long. In fact, he had sort of been waiting for her impatience to surface.

He needed the push himself, he guessed.

"...I don't know where to start." He told her honestly.

She smiled right back and said, "That's okay. You can start in the middle. Or at the end. It doesn't have to be the beginning. In fact, you can start with something totally unrelated if you want."

She nodded to one of the chairs beside her and he sat down carefully, falteringly, even though he'd been here a hundred times before trying to spit out exactly what he was this time around. He felt like Naminé was too patient, sometimes too kind, but she always seemed to know best what a person needed. He had to admit this to himself, for himself, and she knew that. He did too, on some level, but he still didn't want to.

"I miss them." He said, voice slipping into a whisper. He hated talking about them because he always ended up with tears in his eyes and a lump in his throat. And yet he knew this was the only way to remember them, so here he was.

"I understand." Naminé's voice was sincere and clear, if a little on the sad side. She understood what it was to miss someone because she'd been through the same situation, although it was a little more convoluted by her relation to Kairi. She missed Sora and Riku, whom she knew and cared about just as Kairi did, and yet she would never fit in with them the way her other half did. She knew them, but they had never known her.

She also missed Axel as much as he did, he knew that for a fact, because during her stay with the Organization they struck up an unconventional camaraderie. She told Roxas about it after the fact, but it still made him smile when he heard what Axel had been up to all that time.

"I never wanted either of them to die. I want them here again, and every time I remember they'll never smile again I... it just... hurts." Roxas tried not to look at the drawing of he and Xion and Axel on the clock tower, because every time he did he felt the tears in his eyes threaten to spill a little more. He hated crying, hated it more than anything because it made him feel useless, but he could never stop once he started. Sometimes he thought of crying like emptying a well of sadness inside him, but when the well was dry and his tears had been shed he felt empty, not content. Then he waited for the well to fill again and repeated the process all over again.

Naminé was waiting patiently though, so he closed his eyes and thought of Xion dying in his arms.

"And Xion... I don't think a day's gone by that I haven't remembered the way she looked. Her eyes were the most blue I've ever seen them that day, I guess, and that's all I see when I look at the sky now. Her eyes, staring down at me, not accusing or anything. Just there, watching me be sad when I should be happy." He refused to open his eyes, not even when Naminé placed a warm hand over his. He wanted to draw away a little because her warmth reminded him of Axel, although not quite as severe as his had been. Axel was like his fires, always burning and always in motion, encircling him and protecting him but also closing him off from the rest of the world without meaning to. He always meant for the best though, and Roxas never really minded being closed-off when the rest of the world was an organization of heartless murderers.

Well, no, that wasn't quite right.

Demyx had a heart somewhere deep down, he'd always believed that. He had been more connected to the memories of his other half, so he was always a little more human. They all had personalities and memories that made them that way, but no one really had access to those memories so the assumption was that they were evil. Roxas thought that was bullshit, although he never strictly said so. No one in the Organization had been evil like that, just manipulated into believing what they were doing was right. They had all been so desperate to save themselves, they forgot that it would all be worthless after what they had intended to do.

In a weird way, the Organization had been his family. They were like a bunch of orphans stuck together due to unpredictable circumstances, and they had made the best of it. Thinking back, he wasn't sure if he ever really hated anyone. They were some real assholes among them, but he still felt a weird twinge of fondness when he looked back on those times.

Mostly, though, his family had been Axel and Xion.

And now they were both gone.

"A long time ago," Naminé began, filling the silence with the words Roxas needed to be there, "I resented Kairi. When I discovered that I was not whole, that I was not complete, I was angry. I felt cheapened by the fact that I was nothing, a Nobody, without her. Then I met Sora and Riku and I remembered them. I knew everything about them like it was me who had grown up with them, instead of Kairi."

Roxas could understand just what she meant. He felt like he knew Kairi and Riku right from the depths of his heart, but the feeling of loss had been diminished by his attachments to Axel and Xion. Naminé, on the other hand, kept her memories of Destiny Island closer to her heart than any others, so the feeling of detachment from them would've hit her hard.

"It was silly, but I felt betrayed by them for leaving me, and by myself for allowing my heart to be so open to them. Everything Kairi felt for them was in me, and I couldn't close myself off from it. So I fell to it, and I was bitter for a long, long time. I had faith in them, but it still hurt." Naminé tossed him a piece of paper rolled up and slightly crumpled, like she had tried to throw it away but hadn't had the heart to go through with it. He unfolded it warily and then smiled sadly. It was a picture of Sora, Riku and Kairi sitting on a swayed tree together, laughing and glowing in the red light of the setting sun. He remembered this, too. "Then I actually met Kairi, of course, and realized I couldn't hate her because she was just like me. Her personality is different but our memories are the same. In a lot of ways, we helped each other realize our true feelings about what was happening. We worked together, and we found ourselves."

The sprawling silence unsettled Roxas less this time, but the image of the clock tower still haunted his thoughts in vivid detail.

"I guess what I mean is, you've never been as alone as you thought you were, Roxas." Naminé informed him, smiling faintly. "Although, I do understand. Loneliness is... decimating, and it hurts. I don't know if you'll ever meet Axel and Xion again, but I think you should hope. If they are lost, you and Sora will find them and bring them back, regardless of consequences. I know that much."

Roxas turned his gaze up to the ceiling, blinking furiously.

"...Thank-you, Naminé." He whispered. His nails bit into the palms of his hands where the lay in fists on the table, shaking silently.

"Anytime." She replied kindly, resting her hands over his. They were warm and soft, and so small. Her nails were bitten down and her fingers were a mess of colour from her sketches, but there was an elegance in her – a strength. She was a picture of resilience, this girl who was once a Nobody, a witch with no purpose beyond what she was instructed to do. She prevailed through perseverance, held onto hope with an iron grip, and left no promise unfulfilled.

She was a lot like Kairi in that respect, always hopeful and clever and brave – and yet not. Naminé had something special. She was more realistic, more clear in her understanding of the world and the fates of the people in it. She didn't cling to optimism and instead embraced the downfalls of the world, understanding that cruelty, too, was a part of life.

And after all, the nonexistence of a Nobody was nothing if not cruel.

Yet here she was, still standing taller than anyone in the Organization ever had. Where the rest fell to their own bitterness – even Roxas, and Axel, and Xion – here was Naminé, strong after facing off with herself and succeeding. She maintained her hope and her clarity, and Roxas wanted to do the same. He had to.

"Hey, Naminé?" He asked, still staring at the ceiling.

"Yes?"

"...Can I borrow some of your hope?"

She laughed warmly and told him, "Anytime, Roxas. Anytime."


End file.
